As parents we see our children as the sun, moon, and stars. They light up our world, and bring a greater meaning to life. Our babies push us to be better people, and give us strength to do things we never thought we could accomplish. They help us to reevaluate our thoughts and feelings, in hopes of reflecting the best versions of ourselves.
During this time of uncertainty, people are really unsure of how to address the issue of racism and understanding the view of black parents. And this is totally ok! If you don’t understand, the best thing to do is to educate yourself and ask questions. It can be hard to understand something that you don’t necessarily experience and I pray that this post helps you to reach out and have more meaningful conversations with people who have different life experiences.
As a black mom, with a black husband and son here are some things that are on my heart. I have also spoken with other black mothers to make sure that this article reflects the feelings of black women and their feelings on raising their children.
1. have the conversation of race earlier than later
Studies have shown that children can start to show signs of racial bias as early as the age of 4. This means that children are aware of race even before beginning kindergarten. And because they are already aware ,children are able to associate feelings of superiority and inferiority with certain ethnic backgrounds. This being said, talking to your children earlier than 4 can help them to understand that racial differences shouldn’t be a reason to like/dislike a person. You can start these conversations by reading books who have the main character as a black person, and watching movies or shows with strong black characters ( Raising Dion, Captain Underpants, The Magic School Bus, The Incredibles, and Spiderman (the cartoon movie ). These conversations also help your child to become more comfortable with differences in others.
2. be intentional about exposing your children to different cultures and races
Oftentimes, people tend to only associate with people who look, act, and think like them. However, without being around people who are different from you there isn’t a way to become aware of how other people may act or think about certain situations. Take your children to places in which they can come into contact with children of different backgrounds such as children museums, city parks or events, and reputable large chains with play areas such as McDonald’s and Chuck E. Cheese’s. Also, taking your children to volunteer opportunities such as a Food Bank will allow them to be able to see volunteers and people in need of all races. These places are likely to be filled with people that make up your city , which is especially important if your neighborhood is primarily composed of people who are white.
3. BE AWARE OF YOUR TONE,WORDS, AND ACTIONS WHEN DEALING WITH BLACK PEOPLE
You may be doing these things consciously or subconsciously but either way your mannerisms may be sending a sign to your children about certain races. For example, you child may pick up on you raising your voice with the brown person scanning your groceries or walking across the street to avoid the tall black male or avoiding eye contact with the black person that walks by you in the grocery store. This may have been something that you experienced your parents or family members doing and as a result you formed a habit. However, it sends a signal to your children that black people are something to fear or to look at differently.
4. CHOOSE TO EMBRACE COLOR AND YOUR CHILD’S NATURAL CURIOSITY
I have often heard from white parents that they are choosing to teach their children not to see color and I genuinely appreciate their effort. However, there is a better way to address the issue of race. First seek to point out all the similarities between white people and black people. You want your children to realize that black and white people are more alike than different. This empowers your child to see black children as mirrors of themselves more than anything. Relatedly, they may notice differences in hair texture, skin color, and facial features. Take the time to embrace the difference as nothing more than an equally beautiful variation of themselves. This way, color is not ignored. Through this approach, children can be taught to see color and appreciate its beautiful variations and not develop negative connotations of it.
As a black mother, I thought long and hard about the things that I wanted `white parents to know. And believe it or not this was a very difficult task because there were so many things that I wanted to address. But more than anything, I just want every white parent to know that I am deeply in love with my child and will do anything to make sure that they have the best quality of life. And because I want the best quality of life for my child, I am open to having this conversation with others who may not understand the viewpoint of black parents. I know at some point that my child will deal with racism. But I hope by educating and having honest conversations with others, I can help to lessen the blow of the reality that my child will experience. This instance is the same for your children. Teach them to love others no matter what they look like. Aid them in being open, caring, and understanding human beings. Allow them to talk to you about their curiosities. And most importantly give them the tools to celebrate others who don’t look like them. A win for my child is a win for all children. Acceptance of one, should be acceptance of all. This is the world that I pray and believe that my child can be apart of someday, but the change comes from us. The change comes from within the heart that deeply believes that all children deserve the best life experience.
Please share this post on social media, if you feel that it was helpful to you. I appreciate it very much!
With Much Love and Thanks,
The Imperfect Woman
These are good tips to start the race talk with children. I hope that many people take the time to take your advice, when introducing the talk about people of color.
I hope so too!
This’s awesome. Very informative and real especially cos of what’s happening in our society these days. Thank you so much for enlightening us.
It is so interesting that people want to avoid the conversation about race. I’m so glad that you pointed out the first step…education and exposure. These are all wonderful tips. I love that they put the responsibility back on us as parents.
As parents it is definitely our responsibility to give our children the tools they need to be aware of others so that they can be empathetic to struggles they may not go through themselves.
Love all of these. So important. Thanks for sharing with us! Sharing to my Facebook Page now (Leslie W.) 🙂
I appreciate the share ! Thank you for reading !
Thank you so much for sharing all these great tips! Tip #4 is so important because most of the time white moms think they are doing good by teaching their children not to see color but in reality they should see our color and our differences and embrace them.
Right the differences between us should be something that brings us together not apart!
Thank you for getting this into detail. It’s so important to talk to our children, especially with all the negativity in the world. We are their role models first and need to make sure we open their eyes to culture and diversity.
Kids with open eyes will create aware adults! Thanks for reading.
I love all of this. It really is so important for us to start early and start at home <3
Thank you this means a lot to me! Starting early can literally make such a difference!
I lived your #4 point! I don’t think race is something you can ignore as a whole but talking about it openly and highlighting how we are all alike is such a positive way to frame it. We started talking about differences really young (my little one has Cerebral Palsy), she knows she’s “different”, but it’s okay! We found a book with Elmo in it – Red or Blue, I Like You that helped highlight how we are different but the same. Much love to you and your family!
Thank you , people oftentimes try to find differences when what we should really be looking at is the similiarities! Thanks for reading
Thank you for sharing this! As a new mom, I’m aware that it’s my job to teach my daughter these important lessons and I appreciate the guidance! I want to raise her right.
By being aware of racial injustice you are starting off well!
Thank you! This is exactly what I was looking for. We are starting the differences and race conversations now (they are three and one and a half), and I don’t know how much of it is sinking in, but we will keep talking. And thank you for the resources on cartoons. Let’s hope this generation of little ones does better than ours and let’s be the ones to teach them how!
I have total faith that they will do better!
thanks for sharing this! It’s so important for all of us to be having these kinds of discussions.
Absolutely the more we have these conversations the more normal they will become
Acceptance and open conversations are things I am making a point of with my children. Thank you for your words, you have a beautiful family who is blessed to have you as their Mama!
Awww your comment was the sweetest! I am really making sure to push love no matter what the person looks like .
Your family is beautiful. As a teacher, I know the power of books from a young age. While I have older students (7th & 8th grade currently), it’s still a great idea to read about people from all different places, backgrounds, and ethnicities. My students live in a rural area where 98% of the people are white protestants. Books can show them that the world is much larger than their community and can help them create empathy for others.
Beautifully said ! Yes giving kids access to people that dont look like them helps them to learn to celebrate and love others.
Thank you for sharing this and for being so straightforward and honest. I’ve been talking with my kids a lot more about race lately and this really gives me a clear understanding of what is most helpful. Thank you!
Thank you for reading! It absolutely crazy to me that Ive written something that you can use to have this conversation with your kids.
Thank you so much! I am a white parent of white children, and they have never really brought up race, so it doesn’t seem to be something they notice yet. But it’s my husband and my goal as big BLM supporters to raise them to be part of the generation that really makes a change for the better. I hope we can! Thanks for sharing this.
That is so great to hear! The fact that you are aware of what your children are doing and their mannerisms is great.
This is powerful. As exhausting as it can be to always have to explain/teach it is IMPORTANT. People who actually want to understand won’t know if we don’t share. This is good!
Thanks Lacey! Everyone has their role to play , so it is totally fine to feel that way! Be blessed , we will continue to push for equality for our people!
This is absolutely needed. Thank you for posting this💛
Thank you for reading this !
Thank you so much for sharing, it is really important that we talk to our kids about race and culture starting at a really young age. It’s amazing what kids pick up on even when you think they’re not paying attention so it’s always best to be mindful!
Right being mindful will help us to be aware of the things that were doing.
This is lovely! Thank you for posting. I agree that education, being intentional and awareness are the keys. I have 2 similar posts on my blog to help spread positive awareness
Thank you for also taking the time to write about this particular topic.
Excellent tips and a great read. I’ve always tried to show my son that all people are equal no matter what. And to judge based on actions and merit, not skin color. I do my best to not see in color always. As a woman, it’s easy to fall into that “judgy” state. All people are equal and deserve a fair shake no matter what.
Well said mama keep doing what you doing!
This is so honest and open. Thank you for this. I wrote a similar post on my blog but getting a truer perspective is everything we all need right now.
If you dont mind, please drop the link to your post!
Beautiful variations of themselves, I loved how you said it. My heart stands with you and I truly hope that one day we will learn to love each other and accept each other. It is in our human nature to seek companionship and not be alone, so I hope that acceptance and empathy will also become part of our human nature. I loved your words!
I loved how eloquently you wrote this response.
Great tips, our small steps can make huge difference. Keep growing.
Progression is key!!!
Thank you so much for being willing to have these conversations. Change begins at home. Teaching our littles to love with open hearts and undoing negativity will go a long way. As a mom of 11 children (6 in blood and 5 in love), my husband and I have been discussing this topic a lot as we each have biracial children. They have felt the hurt of words of ignorance and I can only imagine how much more you have feared that hurt for your own son. I feel the responsibility to not only educate my children, but to attack the injustice that is systemic racism. All children deserve the right to a good education. We have to go after our politicians and be heard. Redlining neighborhoods needs to end.
So great! I commend you for being a parent that is willing to attack the issue head and not stray from it.
I’m so grateful for posts like these — they’re so helpful. I’m trying to enhance our bookshelves with more black authors, talk about Juneteenth, and most be really open about what is happening in our city right now. There is so much unrest in Richmond (where we live). I’m hoping it leads to racial reconciliation and reparations.
Our city is FULL of Confederate monuments. I took my kids to see them a week ago. They’re completely graffitied. I thought they’d be a great talking point for the issue of police brutality. It was really powerful.
http://thekriegers.org/2020/06/our-field-trip-to-the-confederate-monuments/
Will definitely be reading! Thanks for stopping by!
I’m so grateful for posts like these — they’re so helpful. I’m trying to enhance our bookshelves with more black authors, talk about Juneteenth, and most be really open about what is happening in our city right now. There is so much unrest in Richmond (where we live). I’m hoping it leads to racial reconciliation and reparations.
Our city is FULL of Confederate monuments. I took my kids to see them a week ago. They’re completely graffitied. I thought they’d be a great talking point for the issue of police brutality. It was really powerful.
http://thekriegers.org/2020/06/our-field-trip-to-the-confederate-monuments/
So well done for you as a parent to take the time and give them a real experience about the anger and frustration people are feeling
I love all of this!! Every step or point you wrote about was pure genius! Thanks for sharing this with the world
Thank you this really made my day!
All valid points. I especially agree that children shouldn’t be “blind to color” because it does need to be addressed at an early age. I have mixed Latino kids and at age 5 my son asked why daddy’s so much more tan than mommy. So you are correct!
Awwww you have to love the curiousity our beautiful babies have.
Very great tips! They are so actionable. As moms we have lots of influence on our children and it’s important that we start the conversation early.
Prevention is key so we dont have to correct what they have learned.
Wonderfully said! I pray that this reaches the hearts that it needs to reach so that we can make a change for the better for our children and future generations to come. Thanks mamma!
I have the same prayer and faith that God will make it happen.
These are all valid points. It’s important for parents to talk to their kids early about the topic. And I also think schools need to do more and incorporate the topic into their curriculum.
Oh so true! Yes there definitely needs to be more education on this topic in the classroom.