QUESTIONS EVERY WOMAN SHOULD ASK BEFORE GETTING MARRIED

Ever since I was a little girl, I dreamed of getting married. I wanted to experience the ring, dress, and not to mention having a loving husband by my side. I fantasized about building a life together, having children, and being able to create a legacy for the future. But in order to get to marriage, there are some serious questions that need to be asked. Not only for your significant other, but for yourself. Marriage has been something that I have seen be beautiful if worked at correctly, but it can also be dark and gloomy if not given the attention it needs. Overall divorce rates have decreased in the last 10 years, however, 39% of marriages still end in divorce. Seeing plenty of divorces growing up, I began to ask myself, what could have been done to alleviate this happening. And what I’ve heard from many women, is that they wish they asked more questions.

As women, I feel that we oftentimes are afraid to ask questions. We do not want to be seen as being a bother. We desire to come off as soft and compliant (due to society standards). But this lack of asking questions can lead us to negative future situations. Having a good basis of who a person is will come from spending time with them, getting to know the people around them, and ASKING QUESTIONS. In this post, I will provide you with questions to ask your mate, in addition to questions you should ask yourself if you are contemplating getting married. Granted it will take a person being truthful for you to get the most out of these questions, but this is where discernment and spending time come in. People’s true feelings often show through their actions, so believe their actions before you take anything they say as truth. But these questions are a great starting point to reflect on what it is that you want in your future partner when you get married.

questions to ask yourself

1. How do I want to be treated as a wife?
2. What qualities do I have that will be helpful to my future spouse?
3. Am I willing to work on negative parts of myself to make my marriage work?
4. What is important to me in a spouse?
5. What are my non-negotiables? (these things should not be physical characteristics)
6. Do I have healthy coping mechanisms? If not, am I willing to go to therapy to learn how to effectively cope?
7. What are the things that make me happy?
8. How am I willing to contribute to my marriage?
9. What am I willing to compromise on for the sake of my marriage?
10. Do I love myself? How do I show love to myself and others?

These questions will help you to decide some crucial things and give you a foundation for what you are looking for in a partner. It is difficult to look for in a partner what you are unsure about. Be sure about the qualities you need in order to thrive, and behaviors that bring out the worst in you. At times a spouse may bring out negatives in you, but it shouldn’t be the point where you are continually finding yourself in a bad space. Being married will require both people to be aware of their faults and a willingness to adapt for the better. Arguments can be healthy as long as they are dealt with effectively.

You must also know that you are whole by yourself and that a significant other does not create the other half. Two whole people come into a relationship and make it better. You will need 100% effort on both parts to get the best out of your marriage, not each person bringing 50/50! I’d rather have 200% than 100%!

QUESTIONS TO ASK YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER

1. What is your belief system? ( MAJOR KEY)
2. What gets you out of your bed each day?
3. What are the qualities you need and want in a wife?
4. Do you want children?
5. Who is the most important person in your life and why?
6. What are the things that trouble you in a person?
7. How do your deal with hurt or disappointment?
8. What does compromise mean to you?
9. How do you define being a man and husband?
10. What are your goals and how do you plan to get there?
11. What are you actively doing to reach your goals? If not, what has hindered you from reaching your goals?
12. What are your goals in marriage?

I believe the most important question here is their belief system. This will typically tell you a lot about who they are at their core and if it is something that you can live with. Drastic differing beliefs can make a marriage more difficult because of the lack of commonality. However, some people can thrive in it. But know yourself, and what you are not willing to bend on. For me, that is my faith. Also, a lot of these questions will help you be able to discover more about that person and their foundation. For example, question number 2 will tell you what motivates them, and how you can play a role in helping them run a financially secure home. Granted, there are plenty more questions that you could ask your significant other, but these will generally help you to easily determine if this person has the moral compass and life skills to make a good partner for you. In addition to their actions of course that you are expecting when you get married.

As you navigate your life, please understand that marriage does not define you as a woman. And it is totally ok to not want to get married. However, what I will say is do not let the dysfunction of what you have seen stop you from experiencing love in all that God created it to be. Deal with your skeletons, and heal so that you dont add that baggage to another person which can ultimately ruin a strong relationship. Be upfront about what you want, and truthful about where you stand on things that are important to you. A marriage is only as strong as the two people in it. And although marriages, can go bad, when done right it can be such a blessing to your life.

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XO,

The Imperfect Woman