how i overcame wanting to be accepted

We live in a world where we oftentimes look for others’ acceptance of the choices we decide to make. We upload photos waiting for our first like or comment, ask everyone around us about decisions we should make, and are oftentimes disappointed and hurt by how others choose to or do not choose to respond to our issues in life. We allow family, friends, and peers words to place us in a space where we devalue who we really are. When people speak negatively about us, we break down and question the very makeup of who we are. Why do we do this? Why do we place so much value in the words of others? I began to think about this because I am a people pleaser at heart and wondered why I allowed people to feel that they were important enough to degrade the vision I had of myself.

I am whole by myself

God created me as a whole, not a half. Even when you marry, both people should take on the process of becoming a representation of two WHOLE people coming together for a common cause. And just because people speak ill of me at times doesn’t mean I am any less than an amazing person. As a woman, I had to realize that I was either going to let people decide who I was going to become or take the wheel of my own worth and create who I WANTED to be.

People expect me to be a mother and wife to my husband, but I had to tell myself that I am so much more. I am a resilient woman who will ALWAYS know her worth even when people’s actions do not match the price. I will have peace with what I can and can’t do at the moment. Me needing a break is not me wishing my son was not here. Me needing my own time was not me saying that I dislike being around other people. I am done explaining my actions to others and just because YOU don’t understand my choices doesn’t make those decisions any less right or wrong.

QUESTION YOUR THE INTENTION OF YOUR ACTION

As humans, we naturally look for others to tell us who we are when in actuality we need to look within ourselves. Can you TRULY reflect on your decisions and the true reasoning why you made them? Where you afraid of disappointing someone? Did you feel that being able to buy your kids certain things would make you a better parent? Do you make decisions and look for other opinions on what you have already decided? Do you compete with friends or peers around you and feel less than when others are winning around you? These are questions to ask yourself to determine WHO is really in control of the vision of who you are.

If your reasoning is because of the fear of what others may say, check who your worth is connected to. Your worth should only be connected to YOU! Your ability to do or not to do something has no regard for who you are as a person. I have struggled with this and it has cost me a lot of time, money, and peace. No one is going to do the work, or fix the issues that come with your decisions so you might as well be confident in your choice. 

acceptance is only temporary

Are you willing to sacrifice your happiness long term for temporary acceptance? If you start doing things for others, you often have to keep it up.  There will become a time that you will make a decision that people will not be happy with. However, if you have always given in to the actions of others, they will likely take this decision harder because it is not your usual. With that being said, it is healthy to disappoint others at times as we are all human and will make mistakes. Take a chance on yourself and be ok with knowing that even though people may accept your decisions now, it won’t always be the case. 

I have decided that I am who I SAY I am and that no one can take away from me the ability to love myself in all my glory. No, I am not perfect, but the work I am doing is VALUABLE. I can be wrong and rest in the fact that life is about learning. I can make mistakes all long as a LEARN from them. Having alone time DOESN’T make me a bad mom. Wanting my own space DOESN’T make me a bad wife. All these things I subconsciously fed myself led to me allowing others to make me feel less than what I truly was. Ladies, sometimes you have got to remind yourselves that you are FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE! Comment below what had been a struggle for you in your identity as a woman, wife, business owner, etc. that made you question your value. Has there been an instance where people’s words or actions made you feel that something was wrong with you?

XO, The Imperfect Woman