The quote “Comparison is the thief of joy”, can play a big role in how successful you deem your relationship to be. It’s always easy to romanticize the relationships we see on social media. From our favorite artists to the family that seems to have it all together, the picture from the outside looks crystal clear. We must know everything about them since we follow them on Instagram and watch their YouTube videos right? Even our friends and their significant others look like they are always happy. So we base how our relationship should function off of pretty pictures, false realities, and what looks good.
We live in an instant gratification culture that wants the fruit of the work , with little to no effort. And unfortunately the same goes for relationships. We perceive the success of a relationship with a very wide lens and value appearances over reality. I feel that this affects how millennials are able to form genuine and fruitful relationships. There are many reasons as to why comparison can ruin your relationship, but I will focus on four. So the next time you scroll down your timeline and feel the need to compare, I hope at least one of these things comes to mind.
1. SETS UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS
The only people who can determine how successful your relationship is are you and your partner. It’s easy to find yourself thinking and saying things because of how great they look on the outside. I remember when a man on social media proposed to his girlfriend with six different rings to choose from. As I scrolled down the comment section, I read things like “now this is a proposal” and “my man needs to take notes.” It surprised me that people felt that this was the new expectation. So if the love of your life comes to you with only one ring is that not enough? So if your boyfriend can’t afford to buy you a car for a push gift does that mean he isn’t a great provider? Words like this can lead down a slippery slope and can program us to feel that if someone’s best doesn’t look like what we see of social media then they are falling short. Use social media for inspiration, not as an indication of your relationship. Comparison will only set you up to fail. Take some time to write out the qualities that you need in a partner. Does your partner have a majority of these qualities? Does your partner build you up? These are a few indications that you’re in a good relationship.
2. cREATES A JEALOUS MINDSET
Jealousy brews in places of insecurity. And the jealous mindset can take on many forms. It typically shows its ugly head in how you treat your partner. We subconsciously and consciously treat people based on how we feel about them. For example, we have all heard of the man who dogs out his wife because of her weight gain. And oftentimes he is using the comparison of her pre-pregnancy body or other women he has seen in his daily life. This man has decided that his wife is less than because of other women he has seen and envies. This is a potent poison that is sure to ruin your relationship over time. Instead of looking at what others have and wishing you had the same, think of all the possible obstacles they have had to overcome to get there. Sometimes the price they paid to get to that position isn’t worth what they had to give up to for it.
3. DOESN’T ALLOW FOR UNIQUENESS IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP
Think to yourself what initially attracted you to your significant other. Was it his fun personality or witty remarks? Or maybe it was his smile or physique? Whatever it was, chances are it wasn’t his money or possessions. I say all of this to say that whatever made you fall for that person in the first place is usually the same things that keep you pushing through the hard times in your relationship as well. Relationships that are based on surface-level things usually don’t last long because there is a lack of connection between both people. The foundation of who that person is makes them unique and plays a huge factor in your success as a couple. Marriage vows say for rich or for poor so keeping that connection through all of life’s curveballs will help to make for a long-lasting relationship. It’s not the money in the bank that makes me love my husband, it’s his soft heart and caring spirit that keeps me devoted every daily.
4. FOCUSES ON YOU WATERING SOME ELSE’S GRASS
The saying that the grass is always green on the other side is false. But I know that grass grows where you water it. All the energy you put into thinking about how this couple does this, that, and the fourth is the same energy you can put into fostering your relationship. And this may mean protecting what you watch, see, and expose yourself to. If there is a certain couple makes you always envious of what they have, UNFOLLOW. If there is a couple, that you watch on YouTube that makes you feel less than, UNFOLLOW. Do whatever you have to do to protect your peace because comparison is not worth that. If a couple seems picture-perfect, I can guarantee you that their not. Some people just hide their issues easier than others.
Don’t allow comparison to destroy something that makes you happy. Spend time connecting with your partner to be able to create the legacy that you both want to see for your life and come up with a plan to execute. I am learning to spend less time thinking of what I want and more time being grateful for what I have. And truth be told, there are often times when people of high status are praying for the happy, and whole relationship that you have with your partner. Everything that glitters isn’t gold, but the work you put into your relationship can make it one of the most valuable things on the planet.
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XOXO,
The Imperfect Woman
All of this is so true! Too many people compare themselves to others rather than improving what’s right in front of them.
This is a great post. I agree that being grateful is so important. Comparing our relationship to others is unwise! I like your mention of thinking what attracted you to your mate in the beginning.
The part about it taking the uniqueness out of your relationship!! This was a great post.
I love this idea and love the structure of your blog by the way! We have to compare ourselves to OURSELVES based off of what we know at the time, versus others. 🙂
great posts and so many valid points! it’s hard not to compare your relationship to others especially when we consume a lot of digital media but highlighting uniquness in your own relationship will set it apart 😀
This is so true. Love the thought about the grass is most green and best when it is watered well. We def need to put efforts and love, and no comparison, to make it a healthy and strong relationship
Great post and very helpful. Will share it with pleasure x
I struggled with this when I first started on social media!! Its so hard not to!! But the truth is God made us all unique and on purpose!! Thanks for the reminder sis!!
Excellent post and I loved the four reasons that you shared. We have to keep in mind with social media that we see what people want us to see. I wholeheartedly agree with you and hope that many will read and utilize this blog post as a tool to improved themselves and release that spirit of comparison. Thanks so much for sharing
These are really good tips for new relationships, I think many people don’t realize the amount of work relationships really take after watching that fake reality (scripted) tv, LOL!
Unrealistic expectations will get you in trouble every time! Very good read! Thanks for sharing!
This was such a great read. Comparing ourselves to others can lead to depression. We all to remind ourselves everyone has a story.
I say it all the time! Don’t think what you see in social media as the truth we don’t know who or what these people have been through. Marriage is about work, effort and focusing on how you can grow as a unit. Great post as usual!
Great post. Having unrealistic expectations gets me every time.
The grass is not always greener on the other side. This was a good reminder and a great read!
I feel like this was just the post I needed to read! It’s so important not to compare our lives to others – so often people don’t show the negatives on social media which gives an unrealistic perception of what “happy” is. Sometimes we need a reality check and social media detox. Your family is adorable btw 🙂
I can see this. I try to never compare. I know it can’t be healthy to do.
It’s so hard to not compare so I definitely understand this, I need to try and be better cause is not heplping
I was just thinking about how people compare their marriages to others. It’s so unfair to do that since most of what we see is other’s highlight reel and not everyday life.
I hate how easy it is to compare ourselves to what we see on social media. I always tell myself that what you see is not necessarily the truth. It’s still hard though.
This hits the nail on the head. It is hard sometimes to look at someone else’s relationship and want that same thing or wonder why yours can’t be like that. Love this so much
Comparison is definitely the thief of joy! Great post!
This is a great post Caressa. Sooo many people get blinded by the glitz & glamour of other people’s relationships, ignoring & eventually turning their back on what they have right in their own home. We have to give life to our own relationships with that same energy.