As women, we oftentimes lose ourselves in being mothers. Were taught to take care of everyone else before ourselves. We are critiqued and made to feel guilty about needing time and space away from our children. Being a mother is made out to be a role that requires you to lose yourself in everything that is not YOU.
As a new mom, I have struggled to pour INTO me. Every waking second, I’m thinking about what my son needs, how he is going to get it, and where he is going to get it from. I will go multiple hours without eating, just to make sure that my child is being tended to. But as I continued to do this, I started to feel the burnout. When people would ask me what I like to do, I didn’t have a response because I was so used to not getting to do things that I wanted. I told myself I couldn’t continue like this. Matter of fact, I didn’t deserve to live like this. I had lost all things that made me Caressa outside of being a mom.
So, I dedicated myself to finding the woman in the mother. To find time to simply be Caressa. Here are some things that I have been doing that have helped me to recharge and to discover the new and improved woman in me.
be honest about the things you need
You are doing yourself a disservice, when you don’t ask or tell others what you need. Let that sink in. We are not superhero’s, or people with powers from an intergalactic world. We are humans who need the help of others to make things easier. When you tell others (husband, friends, mother, etc.) what you need help with, you free up space for you to pour into yourself. Asking for someone to fold laundry for you, clean up the kitchen, or make dinner can then be used as time for you to do the things that make YOU feel good.
find your own hobbies
We all have those things that we love to do with other people. But, do you have something that you can do on your own? Something that requires no one else but you. During the time that you have set a family member to help you, try some new things. You can try painting a canvas, reading a book you’ve been interested in, or learn a new makeup technique. Whatever you decide to do, make that time meaningful to what YOU want to do. You can even take this time to get some rest. Sleeping is a hobby, right?
date yourself
When you date yourself, you are able to decide what you truly desire. You are also able to decide what you want in a partner. Take yourself out for drinks, to the movies, or on a shopping spree. Be your own sponsor! Society makes women feel like they need a partner in order to experience date nights. Romance yourself with a new dress and heels for a night out on the town, while a family member watches your kids. During this quarantine, I have taken time to order myself takeout while finding a movie that only I was interested in. And it was awesome! I was able to eat my food in peace and watch a chick flick with no interruptions.
Ladies, I know it’s hard watching your babies 24/7, waiting on their every need without any thought of your own. To not be able to go to sleep because of all the things that need to be done around the house. Literally missing your meals or having to share your food all the time. This is motherhood, but YOU have to make space for womanhood. What makes you happy to be a woman? Are there activities that you love doing before becoming a mother? What things make you excited to wake up the next day? Find these things and do them often! Weekly, every 3 days, daily if you need it! Give yourself purpose , by feeding the woman within you , outside of your role as a mom. Before you were a mom, and even after becoming one, you will always be a WOMAN!
Please share this post on social media, if you feel that it was helpful to you. I appreciate it very much!
XO,
The Imperfect Woman
Beautiful article. Really gorgeous blog too! I’d love to see if you want to contribute on mine!
It took me a few years after having my first child to get to where you are now – so kudos to you! I am now at a point where I know when I need a break, and I know what things I can go and do that will help me come back feeling refreshed. I’m thankful that my husband is so understanding of my need to get away every once in awhile.
Having a supportive huband is everything! And that is so awesome that you have been able to figure out your triggers.
Such a great read and this rings true to a lot of women. We get so wrapped up in our kids, not realizing we are still people at the end of the day and we have to be fulfilled. I definitely went through this the first 2 years of my sons life. Finding things that made me happy separate from being a mother, actually made me a better mother because I was much happier. Love this!
Yes so so true! I know fitness is definitely one of those things for you and it definitely has made you a better mother because you are pouring into yourself.
Such an inspiring and uplifting post! Much needed by moms in these challenging times! Thanks for sharing!
Thank you for reading!
Thank you so much.
I really needed this today!
Thanks for the support!
This was such a good post and so important for mothers. It’s very easy to completely lose yourself in service to your child, but remembering who you were before actually makes you an even better mother because you’re not burnt out. These are great tips for getting back to yourself!
Yes and hopefully next baby I wont have to get back because I would already know how it feels to lose myself.
Love this post. After 9 months of mommyhood, I’m just getting the urge to get out & even just grocery shop on my own. I know how important it is to have time for myself though so I’m finally making room for it. Thank you for the tips!
So happy to hear that you are now making time for yourself! Keep it up!
It took me 1 whole year after my daughter to admit I lost myself. Then I started working towards knowing me again. I’m becoming a better woman.
This is awesome! Sometimes the hardest part is admitting when you have a problem.
I can definitely relate especially when I was a new mom in a new state! It was so hard but once I started found time to be myself again without making excuses I was happier!
Love this! NO EXCUSES, YOU ARE IMPORTANT!
It’s wonderful that you are putting momma first. That is something that takes many mommies a very long time, if ever, to figure out. With the quarantine I have found it to be a bit more challenging but my writing my blog, going on an evening walk, having early morning bible study or a virtual happy hour with girlfriends are a few choices that are all for me.
These are all great ideas! And I will keep this in mind when I feel myself getting low again.
I love this so much! Especially the date yourself part! I gave myself a little spa night at home and it was such a mood booster! Keep it up mama 🙂
Yes SPA DAY for the win!
Confirmation to what I’ve been thinking about lately
Im happy that it is!
Being honest with my husband was one of the best things I ever did. Telling him I needed more self care time or I would lose it. So, I’ve been working harder to make that a priority.
Good job ! He definitely needs to know what he can do to help you in your journey!
Such a great post! It was definitely a struggle after my baby girl was born to find my way back to me. I am so thankful that I did it though… one baby step at a time but I got there.
Exactly progression not perfection!
I am so excited for you that you discovered this early on. It took me a little longer. And that is awesome about working on feeling comfortable in your body. This is all so important
As a woman it is so important to feel good about yourself
I’m loving this post, Caressa. I feel like so many forget about themselves when they become a parent. It’s so important to never forget about the things that make you smile. Hobbies are essential to your sanity.
Yes hobbies are essential! And im so happy im at a place where im pouring into myself.
Such a beautiful article, you are not alone on this. We all have been through a lot before finally finding our feet in really getting to know our inner workings. Finding and really enjoying your hobby is a key point.
Yes, we need time to recover after a pregnancy, both physically and mentally. But it is very important to have the right support.
Oh my God…. What a wonderful post. I will recommend your post to a friend. She need to learn from this. Thanks for sharing
I’m still trying to find myself again. I’ll find her soon enough, I’m hopeful
What a great post!! I am not a mom but I know my mom friends will appreciate this!!
As I am starting this journey to becoming a mother I have been told a number of times to say goodbye to my passions and that if there are things I wanted to do that I had better do it before having a baby. I think that it is awful that people think that way. Becoming a mother should not be the end to you as a woman or a person.
Great tips for every woman! It’s good to pamper yourself from time to time and get energized.
I am so scared to lose myself once I become a mom. These tips give me hope that it is possible to still be me and not “only” a mom.
Wonderful read, thank you so much for sharing!
Your new hobby shines out in your eyes beautiful lady x
It’s so important to take time for yourself. Don’t be afraid to ask for help so you can have some me time.
I am not yet a mother but this is really a very supportive post for all women.
Such great reminders for any new mom!
This is some really great perspective
truly inspiring that I even asked my wife and daughter to read your post, thanks for sharing
Thanks for sharing this very inspiring blog. I’m not yet a Mom but this article gives me insights.
Thanks for sharing this. It will be very inspirational for someone who’s a mother. 🙂
Very well said Caressa. I feel you. As for me being a new mum in another country plus moving house during pandemic was terribly caused me to burn out. I’m rewarding my self with my fave collection… bags and bags and bags !
The older my kids have gotten the easier it has been for me to find myself again. It’s important for our kids to see us as more than just mom.
Self love is the best kind of love
I enjoyed reading this post. As a mother, its really hard to take care of all things, we are all superheroes. But some superheroes also need helps. Just like us, taking care of our kids while doing household chores plus your job work is really tough, asking help to your family is a lifesaver. This time of the pandemic, I treat myself for buying indoor plants, and new books to read gives me calmness and relaxation.
Self-love above all, it’s the first thing one should consider because everything about love starts there.