It’s easy to get friends, but it’s a lot harder to maintain them. Have you ever had a falling out with a friend, and neither of you really knew the reason why the relationship fizzled? I know I have. Sometimes its miscommunication, or that you grew apart. Sometimes, it’s because of absolutely nothing at all. Everyone at one point has not been the friend that they could be; they have a place where they could grow (including me) and here are some things that I have been intentional about in creating and maintaining the successful friendships I have today.
1. Be supportive no matter how you feel
This is one of those things that is key to creating meaningful relationships with others. In whatever that person is doing, carve time out of your day to make what they care about what you care about. This is especially true when that person is starting a business, getting married, or having a child because they are looking to see who will stick around when their life changes. When you don’t agree with what the other person is doing, support them by telling them that you don’t agree so that you are honest but make it clear that whatever decision they make that you will still be there. Being supportive does not mean lie, it means being aware that even if someone doesn’t do what you want them to do , that you still should be present anyway. Also, try to always attend events that only come around once a year such as birthday dinners, baby showers, and weddings as people consider these to be the most important.
2. Make an effort even when it’s an inconvenience
Showing someone that you care goes a long way. Oftentimes, meeting up with friends becomes more difficult as additional responsibilities in our life take place (kids, family, job). However, this excuse will always be true. You have to find a way around navigating it. One easy way to do that is to ask for dates a few weeks or a month in advance so that you can arrange babysitting, or whatever else to make sure that you are there for friend outings. This shows your friend that maintaining a relationship with them even though you may be in a different place in your life, is still important to you. Often times this is where the struggle occurs between friends that are moms, and friends that have no children. It doesn’t have to be this way, if you both can be proactive about the reality of what the other lives.
3. Be quick to forgive
Have you ever walked into a room with all your friends and the energy was off? I know I have. This is because everyone tries to avoid the small ant in the room, which overtime becomes the elephant. Something what that one person took as not caring, can turn into a true problem that sometimes cannot be fixed if it is not discussed quickly enough. Be able to take responsibility for your part no matter if someone decides to admit their wrong in the situation. If they are willing to admit their wrong, forgive them quickly as it can continue to fester in your friendship. Also keep in mind that there will be a time where you will need forgiveness from your friend as well, so how you deal with misunderstandings is key to maintaining long term, impactful friendships.
4. Give the benefit of the doubt
Everyone wants to believe that their friend did their very best to be present at their function, would never talk about them, or would always have their best interest at heart. And since we do want to believe it, we should choose to. Always ask the person if what you are hearing about them is true, do not assume it is. Because if you assume and its totally false , it can be easily seen as you not trusting them. You can’t have a successful friendship without trust. However, if this seems to be something that happens often , it may be best to take a step back and assess the actions of that person because at the end of the day actions will always speak louder than words. If you chose to end the friendship, always leave in a respectful manner so that if you choose to rekindle the friendship , there is no bad blood.
XO, The Imperfect Woman
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